Lotsa Word Play/Turning North Go-To Scripts

(Photo posted with permission http://photoinspiration.weebly.com/index.html)

The list below is especially for the lexiphiles, lexophiles, and logophiles in our midst and is more comprehensive than the last one I shared awhile back.  I enjoy the cleverness of word play. I didn’t make up any of these: I found them in various places on the internet (authors unknown).   Wanna make one up or add in another that you’ve heard ;)?

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U. C. L. A.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

I  wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

Not only did the pearl divers come up empty, but they barely escaped an earthquake. These were pearl-less times.

Three lefts equal a right, yet no number of wrongs equals a right.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the
Grass.’

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change
yet.’

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

When cannibals ate a clown they said it tasted funny.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’  The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root  canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.

Dyslexics have more nuf.

Clones are people, two.

Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

Microbiology Lab Staph Only !

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Eschew obfuscation.

186,000 miles per second. Not just a good idea, it’s the law!

Air pollution is a mist-demeanor.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Editing is a rewording activity.

My reality check just bounced.

Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

What if there were no hypothetical questions.

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not sure.

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Lord, every single gift comes from You…“Lift my gaze to see life from Your perspective. Help me to understand-and treasure-every good thing You send…”(From James 1:7)   One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/

746. Turning North Go-To Scripts  http://lysaterkeurst.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/TurningNorthGoToScripts.pdf

“If you fnd yourself stuck in a defeating

mess, try replacing your old thoughts

with these empowering thoughts. I call these “Go-to scripts.” In other words,

these statements can become our new patterns of thought as the Messiah

touches our mess and turns it into a great message of hope to this world.

 

1. I was made for more than to be stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat.

 

Deuteronomy 2:3, “You have circled this mountain long enough. Now

turn north.”

 

2. When I am considering a compromise, I will think past this moment

 

and ask myself, how will I feel about this choice tomorrow morning?

 

1 Corinthians 6:19, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you,

whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price.

Therefore honor God with your body.”

 

3. When tempted, I either remove the temptation or remove myself from the situation.

 

1 Corinthians 10:13-14, “…God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can

bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Therefore, my dear friends, fee…”

 

4. I don’t have to worry about letting God down because I was never holding Him up –

 

God’s grace is sufficient.

 

2 Corinthians 12:9-11, “But he said to me, ’My grace is sufcient for you, for my power is made

perfect in weakness… for when I am weak, then I am strong.’”

 

5. I have these boundaries in place not for restriction but rather to defne the parameters of

 

my freedom.

 

Romans 6:19-20, “I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as

you used to ofer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness,

so now ofer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”

These are taken from Lysa TerKeurst’s new book

Made to Crave

– which can be purchased wherever

books are sold. Visit www.MadetoCrave.org for more information on this book.

Lysa TerKeurst helps everyday women live an adventure of faith through following Jesus Christ. As

president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, Lysa has led thousands to make their walk with God an

invigorating journey. Visit www.LysaTerKeurst.com for more daily thoughts from Lysa.

Paula

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6 Responses to Lotsa Word Play/Turning North Go-To Scripts

  1. Nancy Fraley says:

    Thanks, Paula. God bless your day!!

    Love,

    Nancy Louise

  2. Verona Highsmith says:

    I don’t think I’m one of them big words at the beginning of your post, but I sure got a charge out of your list! My brother loves jokes. I should send the list to him. His wife has had two chemo treatments for her breast cancer and ended up in the hospital for about 5 or 6 days after each one. She was hoping to get to go home today. She used to be a nurse also. Praying for your trip to AZ. May you have the strength you need to enjoy your family and feel refreshed.

  3. Kathy Geiger says:

    Hi Paula,
    I hope you are having a great day. Such freedom from daily treatments. I am looking forward to mine. Not too long now and I also will say goodbye to radiation therapy and only be on herceptin every three weeks and the daily hormon pill. What a blessing that will be. For now I grin and bear the discomfort of the radiation and look forward to what lies ahead.
    Warm temperatures and no snow here yet in Central Jersey. Where is winter? I am sure it will show up with a vengence at some point,but what a blessing this weather is for now.
    God Bless you all. Kathy

  4. Paula says:

    I really enjoyed those “word plays”–fun stuff . Verona, I had never heard of lexiphiles, lexophiles, or logophiles (lovers of words) either until I started looking around for puns on the internet. 🙂 I just lifted your sister in law in prayer. I’m so sorry she has ended up in the hospital after each chemo. That’s really rough. May the Lord meet her every need.

    Kathy, all that free time you going to have by not going to radiation Monday through Friday is going to be something yours to appreciate very soon–hooray! How’s your skin holding up? Be sure to ask for perscription burn cream if you need it. Hope your blood is in good balance now for clotting.

    Nancy Louise, how was your birthday? WONDERFUL like you I hope!

  5. Paula says:

    (More word play from Julie’s brother)

    Dyslexics have more nuf.

    Clones are people, two.

    Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

    Microbiology Lab Staph Only !

    Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

    Eschew obfuscation.

    186,000 miles per second. Not just a good idea, it’s the law!

    Air pollution is a mist-demeanor.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Editing is a rewording activity.

    My reality check just bounced.

    Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

    No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.

    What if there were no hypothetical questions.

    Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

    I used to think I was indecisive, now I’m not sure.

    Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

  6. Paula says:

    Thanks, Margo for passing along more lexicons. I enjoyed these!

    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
    � I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    � Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
    � I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
    � Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    � I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
    � I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
    � This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

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