Chemo Day: especially appreciate prayer the 1-2 weeks following treatment-THX!

It’s chemo infusion #5 out of 6 today, Monday 9/12.  Hooray, I’m almost done–PTL!  Yippeeeeeeee and here’s to getting onto wrapping up, hopefully for forever, to what I consider to be one of the most difficult and challenging aspects of this journey to this “natural non-toxic minded gal”.  The invisible arm tourniquet is right on up there at the top of the list too.  Thanks Lord, that You know better than I do the best ways to achieve Your purposes in my life.   The final chemo session is scheduled for October 3rd.  I am going to think of some happy way to celebrate that milestone. 🙂 
 
 God surely is seeing me through step by step and has me on quite an amazing journey with Him, really.  I think of the book “Hinds Feet on High Places and being much like “Much Afraid” and how she needed to walk with and even embrace her companions like Suffering and Pain, and how God used them in such glorious ways for His purposes.  I’ve read that book several times over the years and probably should get my copy out and re-read it again.  Do you guys have any books you recommend?  I also love Scripture and thought provoking quotes that draw my heart to the Lord if you have any to pass along, I’d love it!  🙂 (You can reply here to share with others reading this too or email privately to me if you prefer).  Thanks in advance!
 
I just re-read a word picture God blessed me with awhile back  http://jpoliver.com/wordpress/archives/211 about being a little kid in the back seat and relaxing and letting her Daddy drive.  I gotta remember who is in the Driver’s Seat and who is going along for the ride and needs to stop being a back seat driver! 
 
I am really enjoying going through the archives on the blog I am linking below. All text in quotes in the next section below are direct quotes by Stacy at  http://hiswaynotmine.blogspot.com/ –these are her words from her breast cancer journey, not mine.  Her journal entries sure are ministering to me, and I hope they will bless others too. 
 
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“And the pendulum continued swinging as my mind went to the getting on with life, while laying down the fears that the “getting on with” encompassed. Wanting in some strange way to just stay in this place a little longer because the “getting on with” it means waiting. The “getting on with it” means questions remain unanswered. “The getting on with it” means trusting God at the deepest level I have ever experienced. Will I live to see my children get older? Will I suffer at the hand of this disease? Will my husband grow old without me by his side?Will I trust God with it all?My head knows all the Bible verses. This isn’t my first testing. It is one of many. And what I have found is that God uses each one to carve out fear deeper and deeper so that the word of God may be implanted in its place. A heart surgery of sorts….not laparoscopy, not catheterization, but true open heart surgery.

But head knowledge isn’t enough. Hence the surgery. Hence the walking it out. The testing.

You know faith isn’t stagnant. You are either walking forward, standing still, or falling backward.

I want to move forward. And so my heart needs to align with my head. The Truths that I know, as I live them out.

There is a quote in the movie Shawshank Redemption that says, “You either get busy living, or you get busy dying.”

I want to be busy living.”

 
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“I arrived at the hospital as darkness had descended. It was a hospital I hadn’t frequented and the layout unknown. I eventually found the parking garage and then navigated through a myriad of walkways and doorways, more hallways until the elevator stood in front of me and I crossed into the maternity ward and then into her room.We had a sweet time of fellowship. And her baby, simply divine. There was peace. The beauty of God’s creation. All things made new.As I left the hospital, reflecting on God’s goodness. Once again on life. I made my way back through the maze of vacant hallways and doorways. The hospital closing down for the night, I turned into the parking garage foyer and there coming down a stairwell was my friend’s oldest daughter. Distraught as she had just spent the last 30 minutes trying to find her way through the maze. Frustrated and tired after a long day.

Knowing the trouble I had finding the way, I asked her if I could lead her back to her mom. Together we  quietly walked the steps leading to the elevator and up to the second floor. As we walked I pointed out the landmarks so that on her way back, she would know she was going in the right direction. The signs pointing the way were hard to notice. You really had to walk with your eyes open, looking for signs marking the way. But they were there.

We said good-bye and once again the steps retraced. Only this time, my mind went to the beautiful picture it was of our walk with God. Of trusting that He will lead us to the end location. His ending. He gives us the landmarks. He gives us His Word to direct us. He gives us access to the throne of God to talk to the Father. He sets up the signposts and is the lamp. If only we would walk with eyes open to Him.  The road is often uncertain. The path winding. But He will lead, if we will follow.

I got in my car to travel home with a peace in my heart.

The air outside was still tinged with the warmth of the day. The thermometer had inched into the 70’s, temperatures uncharacteristic for February in the northeast.

I glided the window down as I pulled out onto the road. I turned the volume dial on the radio and the CD from earlier flooded my ears, penetrating my heart.

I was ready to receive.

And this song came forth…..Mercy Me’s “Word of God Speak”

Finding Myself
at a loss for words
and the funny thing is, it’s ok

The last thing I need
is to be heard
but to hear
what YOU would say

Word of God speak
Would you pour down like rain
washing my eyes to see, your Majesty
to be still and KNOW
You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest in your Holiness
Word of God speak

Finding Myself
in the midst of YOU
beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need
is to be with YOU
and in the quiet
hear YOUR voice
Word of God Speak…..

Finding myself
at a loss for words
and the funny thing is, it’s ok

I hit repeat and turned it up louder as I sang those words from the very core of my heart. Hearing this song long before. Knowing the words, well. But tonight a whole new meaning. They were words that I said in Truth. Not just lyrics. But my lyrics. The song of my heart sung to the heart of my God.

And the tears fell unabandoned, surrendered to Him alone.

Please, Lord, speak.

Give me a Word.

Show me You are in this place with me.

I have no words.

I am desperate to hear from you.

I am listening.”

 
 
 
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Song: Word of God Speak by Mercy Me
 
  Lord, every good gift comes from You.

(From James 1:7)   One Thousand Gifts   http://www.aholyexperience.com/

138. Thanks be to God for the  http://hiswaynotmine.blogspot.com/  site: a reminder to lay all my fears down before Him and embrace all He has for me.  He will take all the junk and voids I am releasing and surrendering to Him and fill me up with Himself.  Great trade! 🙂
 
139. I will “trust that He will lead me to the end location. His ending. He gives me the landmarks. He gives me His Word to direct me. He gives me access to the throne of God to talk to the Father. He sets up the signposts and is the lamp. If only I would walk with eyes open to Him.  The road is often uncertain. The path winding. But He will lead, if I will follow. (Stacy’s excerpt from above link put in the First Person)
 
140.  When anxiety was/is/will be great within me, God’s consolation brought/is bringing/will continue to bring joy to my soul (Psa. 94:19) 
 
141.  My great and mighty God will keep me in perfect peace as my mind is steadfast on Him, because I trust in the One Who never fails.  I will trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal) (Isaiah 26:3-4)
 
142. “You, my Father, are my amazing Best. You have strengthened my heart for the journey this day. My heart…my today, tomorrow, and my rest belong to you. Whatever you choose to do with my surrender is your choice, not mine. Humbly and with the heart of joyful release, I commit to the road of your forever. It’s yours to navigate. Bring me safely home to you.” (Elaine Olsen’s prayer is one of my 1000 Gifts and my prayer too.  http://www.peaceforthejourney.com/2011/01/bloodied-beautiful-faith.html

 
143. “Cancer will not be my undoing; rather cancer will be the threshold of my emerging. That threshold begins and ends at the feet of Jesus, and my emerging? Well, as it comes, I move from dimming darkness into the marvelous witness of his glorious light, bursting forth with the firmest faith allowed a fleshly frame. ” (Elaine Olsen)
 
144.  I am hardly ever cold any more–I’m a regular hot-flashin’ furnace nowadays from the chemo induced menopause.  Thanks for keeping me toasty warm, Lord.  It’ll come in extra-handy this winter here in FL and I should do fine if I happen to visit Antartica!  Ha, ha. 😉
 
145.  I have now met many people who have it WAY, WAY worse than I through this cancer treatment (they probably consider my experience “Easy Peazy” ).  I certainly have many blessings to count. One is that I have not thrown up even one time thusfar–nausea that is mostly well controlled by medications is something to be very happy and thankful about and I am. 🙂
 
 
Praising and thanking the “Great I am”,
 
Paula
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2 Responses to Chemo Day: especially appreciate prayer the 1-2 weeks following treatment-THX!

  1. Nancy Louise Fraley says:

    Praise God, He is keeping you encouraged!!!

    Love,

    Nancy Louise

  2. Kathy Geiger says:

    Praise God,
    It is almost over and you are in the homestretch. Not much more to it. Hopefully not many side effects any more. Then on to whatever God and your Onc. have in store for you for your followup. Hoping it is easier than what has gone on so far.
    A book that I am rereading is the memoirs of Sister Faustina, Divine Mercy in my Soul. It is a long book but can be read in intervals. I always find something new in it about God’s great mercy and how He wants us to depend on His Mercy.
    I also have read Hind’s Feet on High Places, but it has been awhile. Perhaps I should get it out and dust it off or if I have given it away, get another copy.
    My memory is not as good as I would like it to be, but I do not know whether some is cheomo brain or whether I was getting Chemo Brain from all the other medicines I am taking. Oh well. One day at a time.
    I have a bit of exciting news. We had five puppies born to a sheltie mix yesterday (9/11) 4 girls and 1 boy. One of them is not thriving and has a very weak suckle reflex, so we are hand feeding her. At least we know she is getting something. She also has trouble recognizing a teet and does not know how to latch on. Hopefully our intervention will help this adorable little one and she will be able to grow up strong and healthy.
    Many blessings to you Paula and to all who read this. Kathy G.

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