Psa. 94:19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul
Isa. 26:3-4 You will keep in him perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.
I love word pictures. My dear husband has lovingly reminded me at different times how little children ride in the back seat of a car as their Daddy drives. You don’t see them fretting, “Hey, watch out for that car over there, Dad”, “You missed our turn, are you sure you know where you are going?”, “Woa, slow down there, Dad–you are going way too fast!”, etc. Nope, you usually see them in the rear view mirror, happily occupying themselves with toys and books, interacting with siblings, singing song, and falling asleep. They leave all the driving to Daddy. I gotta stay in that back seat, stop telling God how to drive, resist inclinations to unbuckle my seat belt and jump up to the driver’s seat and yank the wheel from Him when we take the twisty turns, and instead, just rest peacefully, going along for the “ride” God is taking me on. God has an “Eternal Record” of being an expert driver and I can leave all the driving to Him, just like a child. 🙂
My natural inclination as an RN is to research, research, research and I am learning, that while it is good to be educated, I also have to limit myself and turn everything over to God and rest and trust Him both in the process and for the results. While it does it’s work eradicating cancer, the risks and potential damage of the course I am with chemo and radiation is daunting. Last week I read a package insert for an injection I gave myself to stimulate my bone marrow so my white count stays up treatments. A flu can kill ya if your white count goes too low. The information warned of risks that are mind boggling like that first time users can experience fatal spleen rupture after the first dose and to get medical help immediately should certain symptoms occur. Rare side effect though it is, it makes me think: “YIKES”! I gave myself the shot and left the results in God’s Lap. So far my spleen made it through. One drug I will be on for a year can do significant heart damage as it works to also target and kill components of the cancer that are so aggressive… I commit my heart and every cell in my body to His care. After two months on the Gerson Therapy I can honestly say that I physically felt like I was extremely healthy and back in my “20s” again (other than having a terrible kind of breast cancer that was still growing). I sure can’t say that any more–I feel lousey but I am trying to the best of my ability, to put this whole cancer thing, my health, and my life in His Hands AND KEEP IT THERE!
I have had numerous yukky side effects from the chemo and I am also trying to place each of them in His Hands and “let go”. I have felt very ill overall and the continuing arm pain in particular wears me down. I saw a doctor and am on some different medicines for that pain which resulted from disrupted nerves during the surgery probably but the results are not impressive so far. It could be MUCH, MUCH worse though. I am thankful for His new mercies every day. I am grateful for His faithfulness and His awesome attributes. I can’t “fight God” if it’s His will to take me Home via the cancer but I can fight cancer for all I am worth using the tools He gives me if it’s His will to heal me and so I am. As far as I know, He will heal me and I am planning and praying and operating to that end. It is His very nature to heal and I am absolutely confident in His ability to do just that for me but I also know He has bigger things in mind than just my comfort and healing and “God’s timing is always on time!”
I would have loved to have been “God’s Poster Child” sharing that He can sometimes use nutrition and detoxification to heal people of cancer and that there truly are viable alternatives to conventional therapy but it was not to be. The Gerson Therapy was very difficult but it does work for some people yet many people would have rather die than do it (not me). It was a Picnic in the Park compared to this. I think one of the messages I have for this world is simply that God is ALWAYS good no matter what He allows and we can trust Him completely no matter what. May I be a trophy of God’s grace!
God’s beloved Paula
|5 Heartfelt Responses Concerning God’s WillBy Roy Lessin
(If God isn’t leading you to a certain place, why go there?)
Lord, I am following You. I will not run around in circles trying to find my own way. I place my feet in Your footsteps. I take the place that You have prepared for me. I will faithfully remain where You have placed me until You make it clear it is time to move on.
(If God hasn’t asked you to do a certain task, why perform it?)
Lord, I will only carry what You ask me to lift. I lay down my agenda and my ideas of what I think needs to be done. I say “no” to all stress and striving and “yes” to the peace that comes from obeying what You are asking me to do.
(If God hasn’t directed you to speak something, why declare it?)
Lord, put Your words in my mouth. I want to speak words that are fitting for the moment—the right word, the true word, the edifying word, the anointed word, the word in due season—the word from Your heart to others.
(If God wouldn’t be pleased with your choice, why choose it?)
Lord, I choose those things that will bring a smile to Your face. My greatest pleasure is to please You.
(If “for His glory” is the right reason, why do something for the wrong reason?)
Lord, I love Your righteousness. I want to live right, think right, and act right. I want my motivation to be for Your sake, and my attitudes to be a reflection of who You are. May others want to know You more because of what they see of Your life in me.
May the name of our Lord Jesus Christ be glorified and become more glorious through and in you. 2 Thessalonians 1:12 AMP
Isa 33:2 O Lord, be gracious to us, we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.
This is quite an adventure God has me on! I would have never, EVER, EVER (!!!) picked this particular trial for me but God knows better than I do just what to allow in my life and I am hanging my hat on that fact.